When Mood Swings Take Over: What Parents Can Do

How to stay grounded when your child’s big emotions derail the whole household

Melanie is worn out. Her teenage daughter Kimmy has an eating disorder, and now that the food and weight symptoms are stabilizing, Melanie is frustrated that things are still so hard.

“What I’m really struggling with,” Melanie says, “are the endless mood swings. She’s either yelling at me or slamming her bedroom door and shutting down. I’ve tried everything. I feel like I’m out of options. What am I supposed to do when she gets like this? Will it ever stop?”

Sound familiar?

We’ve all heard that teenagers can be moody, and it’s easy to dismiss this as just a phase. You might think, “All teens do this. I just have to ride it out.” But that thought is often followed by deep sadness or even anger. You may find yourself thinking, “I hate this. I don’t deserve to be treated like this.”

And you’re right. You don’t deserve to be treated badly. And yet, big, tumultuous emotional swings are part of supporting a child who has anxiety, depression, body image issues, an eating disorder, or other mental health challenge.

And while you can’t prevent mood swings, you can learn to respond in a way that minimizes the short- and long-term damage and reduces the intensity of future disruptions.

What Mood Swings Tell You

Often we jump to conclusions about mood swings. We say things like

• Ugh! She’s such a teenager!

• He’s so rude and disrespectful!

• They never listen to me!

But these thoughts, while understandable, will not help you or your child rebalance from a mood swing. Instead, focus on understanding what’s driving the storm — what is your child is feeling and why? This will create a relational environment of safety and connection, which is what they need to calm down.

Understanding is the foundation of self-regulation. Our kids learn to self-regulate when we reliably show up with understanding and compassion rather than judgment and criticism.

“I Get Swept Up Too…”

Melanie told me that when Kimmy yells, she often yells back. When Kimmy sobs, sometimes Melanie does too. Rather than being a safe harbor, Melanie is swept up by her daughter’s storms.

“I feel completely taken over by her moods and emotions,” she said. “It’s so embarrassing, like I have no self-control.”

Melanie is not alone. Parenting a child in emotional distress is distressing. It’s deeply human to get pulled into their storm. But the good news is that with new skills and practice, you can become less reactive to your child’s mood swings.

When you do this, you co-regulate with your child and become the calm in the storm, a safe place to rest.

We can’t stop our kids from feeling big things. But we can learn to respond differently when those feelings show up.

And that changes everything.

4 Steps to Support Your Child and Yourself

Here are four steps to help you stay present and confident during your child’s mood swings:

1. Notice what’s happening
   Take a deep breath and name what you’re seeing using basic language like, “he’s running away,” “she’s yelling,” or “they just slammed the door in my face.”
   

2. Know what’s in your control
   You can’t control your child’s emotions. You can control your response. Staying regulated when your child is in chaos helps lower the overall intensity of the moment.
   

3. Regulate yourself
   You can’t coach your child through a storm if you’re also getting swept away. The more grounded you are, the more you can offer that calm energy to your child.
   

4. Co-regulate
   Co-regulation means your child’s nervous system calms down in the presence of your calm nervous system. This requires you to stay engaged and regulated while your child is losing it. Visualize yourself as a safe harbor to which your child can sail rather than the wind blowing on your child’s sails to change their course.

It Takes Practice

Helping a child through mood swings, especially while they’re in recovery, is hard. At first, Melanie said it felt like juggling. “So many moving parts,” she said. “But with practice, it got easier.”

Kimmy still has ups and downs. But Melanie’s support is making a difference, and Kimmy’s emotional storms come and go with much less intensity and damage. This is propelling her recovery, making everything easier for everyone.

Your steady presence matters more than you think. You’re doing brave, important work. Keep going, and let me know if you’d like some support.

Ginny Jones Parent Coach / More-Love.org

Want extra support putting these ideas into practice?

Download the workbook, Supporting Your Child Through Emotional Storms, filled with reflection prompts, step-by-step tools, and real-life strategies to help you stay steady and connected during even the toughest moments.