Trying out the growth mindset

When our kids are having a hard time, we can apply the growth mindset to help

Hello! I hope you and your family are doing well!

Today I wanted to talk about mindset, which can make all the difference when we’re supporting kids through tough times.

Mindset is how we approach problems vs. how we solve them. While we can’t always solve our kids’ problems, we can support them as they face challenges. There are two key mindsets to keep in mind when parenting: the growth mindset and unconditional positive regard.

1. The Growth Mindset

The growth mindset is the idea that while things may be hard, we can learn and grow. We are not helpless bystanders, but active participants in our lives. That doesn’t mean that doing hard things is easy or natural. But it does mean we can actively build new skills, and doing so will make a huge difference in our kids’ lives.

People who struggle with perfectionism in particular need to build a growth mindset. Perfectionism says “I must do it perfectly,” while the growth mindset says “Practice, not perfect.” 

To help your child build a growth mindset, start by shifting how you talk about problems and outcomes. Most of us focus on outcomes. But to build a growth mindset, try focusing on the process. So instead of “that’s a beautiful painting!” you could say “I love how much time and thought you put into picking the colors for this painting.”  

“It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” – Albert Einstein

2. Unconditional Positive Regard

Unconditional positive regard is the idea that when you look at and think about your child, you assume they are doing the best they can and mean well. This is very hard to do when your child is doing things that you don’t understand and want them to stop doing. 

It may seem counter-intuitive, but approaching your child with unconditional positive regard vastly increases your ability to motivate them to change their behavior.

Unconditional positive regard isn’t about liking or agreeing with everything your child does. It also doesn’t mean you don’t set boundaries (you know I’m big on boundaries!). It means that even when your child does something you don’t like, you believe they are inherently a good kid who is trying their best. You realize that they aren’t giving you a hard time; they are having a hard time. 

Let me know if you’d like some help with this!

Ginny Jones Parent Coach / More-Love.org
New project! Recovery by Ginny Jones

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