Mood swings: what to know and when to worry

Spot the difference between "normal" and "needs help"

Hello! I hope you and your family are doing well!

If your child is struggling with an eating disorder, body image issues, or another mental health challenge, then they are likely having significant mood swings. Sometimes it’s hard to separate what’s considered “normal” and what indicates a need for more support, so I want to give you some ideas about what to look for.

All of us have periods of emotional highs and lows, as well as times when we feel calm and engaged. From a neurobiological standpoint, the highs are when our nervous system is activated, which may be due to positive emotions like joy and excitement or negative emotions like fear and anger. 

On the opposite end of the spectrum, the lows are when our nervous system is disengaged or shut down, which is typically associated with emotions like sadness and despair. Right in the middle is a regulated nervous system, which is when we feel calm and curious, confident and engaged.

Occasionally swinging between states of agitation and withdrawal is normal, especially during adolescence, a period during which we naturally experience more highs and lows. But if your child has a mental health challenge they will experience far more, and more extreme ups and downs, and times of emotional regulation may be few and far between. 

This is why mental health challenges during the teen years can be hard to identify and treat: we assume that mood swings are normal, and we may feel unsure about when we need to intervene and when we should allow a natural process to take place. 

And the answer isn’t black and white, but there are some things you’ll want to consider when it comes to what your child’s mood swings are telling you about their mental health. Here are the things to consider when asking whether your child’s behavior is “normal” or if they need more support. 

Intensity: Your child’s moods will naturally vary in intensity, but consistently massive swings that leave you both feeling breathless and disorganized indicate that your child needs more help learning to regulate their emotional state.

Frequency: Occasional mood swings are expected, but if your child is swinging between moods all day every day, and/or if your child doesn’t seem to ever come into a state of emotional regulation, it likely means your child is struggling a great deal and needs more support.

Recovery: While we all have mood swings, ideally we return to a state of emotional regulation within a reasonable amount of time and stay there most of the time. Extended periods of activation or withdrawal that last a long time, or if you sense that your child is hardly ever in a state of regulation, mean your child needs help building some emotional regulation skills.

If your child is struggling with mood swings that are higher intensity and frequency and have few periods of recovery, then they need some help. Emotional regulation is something they can work on with a therapist, and it’s also something that parents are uniquely suited to teach our children both when mood swings happen and in our day-to-day interactions with them.

Don’t worry if you don’t know quite what that means right now. Few of us think in terms of emotional regulation, and few people have the language to talk about it. But just because it’s not something we talk about doesn’t mean we don’t have what it takes to help. 

Emotional regulation is a skill that everyone can learn. And helping our kids learn these skills takes time and patience. Over time you will learn to confidently respond strategically rather than react automatically when things go sideways.

I promise you that you have everything you need inside of you to help your child build emotional regulation skills, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy! If you’d like some help, I have an emotional regulation course available. I also work on this with my coaching clients, so please reach out if you’d like to schedule a session with me.

Ginny Jones Parent Coach / More-Love.org
New project! Recovery by Ginny Jones

---

Masterclass: Emotional Regulation For Kids With Eating Disorders

This on-demand masterclass to help you calm your child down and teach them emotional regulation skills to support eating disorder recovery.