How To Prevent Holiday Meltdowns
Four things you can do to set yourself up for success this busy season
I hope you and your family are doing well!
This holiday season, I wish you moments of peace, feelings of belonging, and glimmers of joy and awe.
But also, I know this can be a challenging time for families who have a child with an eating disorder, anxiety, depression, or something else that makes parenting more challenging. You might be worried that things will go off the rails.
There may be meltdowns.
The holidays can be full of fun, but also chaos, and nothing triggers meltdowns like chaos.
Breaks from school and work plus increased family pressure to ⛄have so much fun⛄ can disrupt the delicate balance of your family ecosystem and make things harder at a time when all we want is for things to be easier.
It’s a lot for you to handle! Here are four things you can do to set yourself up for success this season:
1. Set realistic expectations
If your child is struggling with their mental health right now, they will likely struggle even more when their routine is disrupted and there are increased expectations of joy and happiness.
To keep yourself as regulated as possible (which will increase your child’s ability to regulate themselves), set realistic expectations for how the holidays will go given the state of your child’s and family’s mental health right now. Next year may be easier—I certainly hope so!—but it’s better if you’re prepared for the likelihood that things may go sideways this year.
The more realistic you are, the less likely you’ll be thrown off by your child’s expected and understandable difficulties in handling holiday activities.
2. Back to basics
If your child has an eating disorder, anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges, it’s important to prioritize a basic structure for each day. While it’s tempting to let it all hang out during breaks, our sensitive kids who are struggling with mental health do better with more structure, especially when it comes to the boring basics of feeling good.
Prioritize eating, and feed your child (and yourself!) every 3-4 hours. Try not to skip meals, including breakfast. Sleep is also essential to feeling good, so keep your family on an age-appropriate sleep schedule. Set age-appropriate limits on electronic use, especially at night, to avoid sleep disruptions.
Finally, try to get outdoors with your child at least once daily, since fresh air and natural elements like sun, snow, rain, and wind help regulate our nervous systems. Just dress appropriately and dive into the elements (within reason🤣)!
3. Prioritize connection
It’s been said that the most effective antidote to mental health struggles is belonging. We want to intentionally increase our kids’ feelings of connection with our family, even when it seems like that’s the last thing they want! The holidays can be great for this since they offer increased opportunities to participate in family traditions, new and old.
You don’t have to do more things … in fact, often less is more. Choose to do only the things that build connection and belonging for your kids and you. Think back on years past: what family activities felt meaningful and might increase shared feelings of belonging and connection? Are there new activities that might bring you all together?
Don’t wait for your child to want to participate—they may not be capable of that right now. When it comes to family traditions, belonging, and connection, it takes a committed parent to make it happen.
4. Know the triggers
If your child has eating and body image issues, the holidays will be a big trigger for them. Whatever your child’s triggers, it helps to be prepared in advance. Think ahead and consider what your child’s triggers are. Maybe it’s large gatherings, a noisy house, big meals, or unstructured days.
It’s helpful to know your child’s triggers so you can minimize what you can and aren’t taken by surprise by those you can’t. Make a list of common triggering situations and the signs that will help you recognize when your child is triggered. Your calm, confident, skillful approach to your child’s triggers will help your child feel better faster.
Finally, remember that you’re doing your best. Your best is awesome. No holiday is perfect, and it doesn’t need to be perfect to be good. So relax. Be kind to yourself. And let me know if you need some help!
Ginny Jones Parent Coach / More-Love.org
Coaching Notes
Here are some stories from the last few weeks of my work with parents who have kids with anxiety, eating, and body image issues:
I helped my clients work with their child’s treatment team to understand their current condition and optimize the home ecosystem, especially during the holidays when extended family members are coming from out of town.
My client’s child was having violent, terrifying meltdowns. I supported her in developing a 3-step safety plan. We also identified friends and family members who can provide additional support for the family during this difficult time and created a communication strategy to ask them for help.
If you’re looking for more ideas about handling the holidays with an eating disorder, here’s an article: Coping with an eating disorder at family holiday events
A Parent’s Guide To Handling Triggers + Eating Disorders
This 8-page guide and workbook gives you information about emotional triggers when your child has an eating disorder. Navigating triggers is hard work, but it’s an important investment in your child’s recovery and will help them experience fewer and less intense trigger responses over time.
