Help Your Child Have Fewer Panic Attacks
You don’t have to dread the next panic attack. Here’s how to guide your child through
Hello! I hope you and your family are doing well.
Today, I want to talk about anxiety and panic attacks—specifically, how to support your child during a panic attack when they’re recovering from anxiety, an eating disorder, negative body image, or another challenge.
I’ll share some thoughts about how to reframe panic attacks and a simple, powerful way to soothe your child right when they’re happening. The best part? When you practice this method, your child will learn to self-soothe and have fewer panic attacks over time.
Why panic attacks happen
Panic attacks are a result of the body’s threat response system, which evolved long ago when humans lived in very different conditions. Back then, people with sensitive nervous systems—those prone to anxiety in our modern society—would have been the first to alert the group to mortal danger like a hungry tiger circling the village.
Highly sensitive people are biologically wired to notice danger faster and feel it more deeply than others. They sense the tiger, sound the alarm, and everyone is safe.
Most of us are not threatened by tigers anymore. Instead, we are threatened by the existential threats of modern culture, which tells us that to be safe from danger, we need to:
Be Prettier
Be Smarter
Be Richer
Be Faster
Be Popular
Be Better
Be Thinner
Unlike tigers, existential threats never move on; they are always there. Because of this, a sensitive person’s nervous system can experience chronic fear based on perceived danger. This fear can spill over into panic attacks.
Here’s the good news
Your child can learn to regulate their threat response system and break free from the cycle of anxiety and panic.
With new coping skills and greater capacity for emotion regulation, anxiety will decrease, panic attacks will happen less frequently, and life will become much easier.
Each time you support your child through a panic attack, you help their nervous system learn to soothe itself.
Panic is not a choice
Panic is an automatic nervous system reaction to a perceived threat. Even if the threat is existential, for example, a thought like, “Nobody likes me,” for the highly sensitive person, it can feel just as dangerous as a tiger in the bushes.
Just like real-life tigers, thoughts of danger can flood our bodies with adrenaline. But while this response is helpful when a real-life tiger is nearby, it’s not so helpful when danger comes in the form of our own thoughts.
What actually helps
To help a child in a state of panic, the first thing is to see what’s happening and understand that their body is automatically reacting to a scary thought.
But hold on … don’t try to talk them out of their thought (that won’t work).
Just notice it … really see it.
When we see what’s happening to our child and recognize that they’re running from an existential tiger, we can calm our own nervous system. From this state, we can soothe our child’s panic by being a calm witness to their fear rather than trying to talk them out of it.
Trying to control panic with information and arguments tends to escalate panic.
When parents witness and stay calm when their child is freaking out, it tends to resolve panic. That’s just how we’re wired.
When your kid is freaking out about gaining a few pounds or wanting to be more popular, you naturally want to make an impassioned speech telling them they shouldn’t worry about whatever they’re worrying about.
But it’s unlikely to work. After all, I bet you’ve already tried doing that hundreds of times, right?
Instead, the key to soothing your child’s panic is to:
See and understand what’s happening to them
Regulate your own nervous system
Witness their fear without getting caught up in it
This is called co-regulation. Our kids are wired to attune their nervous system to ours. When we make a speech, we accidentally indicate that there is something to fear—a metaphorical tiger in the bushes. When we co-regulate, we intentionally indicate that there is no tiger.
They can rest and feel safe in our presence.
A skill that will change their life
With repeated parental co-regulation, even highly sensitive, chronically anxious kids can learn self-regulation.
With your help, your child can have fewer panic attacks.
They will learn to look for the tiger, realize their fear is existential, not mortal, and soothe themselves.
Every time you help your child ride the wave of panic alongside your calm, regulated nervous system, you’re teaching them to do it for themselves.
And that’s a skill that will change their life.
Let me know if you’d like some support with this—I’d love to help.
Ginny Jones Parent Coach / More-Love.org
A Powerful Response to Panic Attacks
If you’re wondering what the heck I mean when I say “Witness their fear without getting caught up in it,” this guide has what you need. You’ll get clear information, practical tools, and step-by-step strategies to help your child move through panic with you by their side. With practice, you’ll feel more confident, your child will build healthier coping skills, and your home can become a calmer, happier place.