Don’t “Just Do It”
The surprising secret to fewer meltdowns, better meals, and emotionally healthy kids
Hello! I hope you and your family are doing well!
You know that thing we all do when we’re upset — the whole “get over it” routine? Most of us learned it early.
Parents, teachers, and coaches didn’t always say it outright, but the message was clear: to succeed and be liked, you had to keep your personal feelings in check and just go along with the group’s objectives.
But here’s the problem: that forces us to make an impossible choice between belonging to ourselves, “me,” and belonging to the group, “we.”
When we believe we must be faithful to either ourselves or the group, we end up in epic battles of autonomy and belonging.
If you were raised hearing you need to “just get over” your hard feelings in favor of succeeding in your family, peer group, or team, it’s natural to ask your kids to do the same. After all, you want to help them succeed!
But this does more harm than good in the long run because our kids must learn how to balance individual feelings with social constraints. When they feel they must choose between “me” and “we” to succeed, they end up in counterproductive power struggles with themselves and others (especially you!).
The battle over “me” and “we” at the table
Here’s how we can accidentally engage in fruitless battles between “me” and “we” at the table
Imagine your child refuses to eat what you put in front of them. To cope, you end up back in the kitchen, preparing something else for them to avoid fighting and arguing. But you resent doing things that way and hate being a short-order cook. You’re sick and tired of the arguments, but you don’t know what else to do.
Every time you put a plate down in front of them and they complain, you instantly get annoyed. You say something like, “But you love cheesy broccoli!”
Inevitably, your child doubles down on refusal. You insist they “get over it” and “just eat it.” But sure enough, you end up back in the kitchen getting them something else. You’re so upset! You wish they would stop being so stubborn and just eat what you serve. Why are they so difficult?
Focusing on the cheesy broccoli and your child’s resistance is natural, but it will keep you in a Groundhog Day drama that endlessly repeats.
To end the same old pattern, you must address the real issue: the battle between “me” and “we.” Your child has feelings, preferences, and desires, and you think the only choice is to either meet their demands or continue being a short-order cook. It feels impossible! And if your child has an eating disorder, this is even stickier!
We can’t solve all our kids’ eating issues with a single phrase, but we can make progress by eliminating our automatic response of telling them to get over their feelings and just do what we’re telling them to.
The problem with saying something like “get over it” or “just eat it” is that it asks your child to bottle up their feelings about something as intimate and personal as their appetite in favor of your desire. You’re asking them to either stay true to themselves or comply with your demands.
This leads, inevitably, to power struggles.
And you can apply this to almost anything. When your child doesn’t want to go to school or do homework or do just about anything, it feels natural to tell them to “get over” their feelings and “just do it.”
To move faster, go slower
Quickly and decisively telling your child to “get over it” and do what you’re telling them to do may seem like the fastest, most efficient way to get things done.
But it doesn’t teach them to balance their individual feelings with social constraints. It doesn’t teach them to handle not wanting cheesy broccoli and eating it anyway. And it doesn’t teach them to be true to themselves while also belonging to a group.
But here’s the good news: there’s another way. And even if it feels like it’ll take longer in the moment, it’s faster in the long run.
Studies show that kids who are taught how to move through feelings rather than suppress them have fewer meltdowns, less defiance, and stronger emotional health overall.
Next time you’re in a power struggle with your child and find yourself saying the equivalent of “get over it” or “just do it,” try something different. Start by acknowledging your child’s feelings about what you’re asking them to do. Next, affirm that their feelings make sense. Finally, hold your boundary, which is something you have 100% control over, like whether you go back to the kitchen and change what’s on their plate.
The bottom line? When we shift how we respond to our kids’ feelings, desires, and appetites, we give them tools they’ll use for the rest of their lives.
When we’re strong enough to let them have their big feelings and also hold our own boundaries, they learn to balance internal desire with external constraints. And our kids learn that they don’t have to shut down their feelings to meet our expectations. They can have feelings and get along at the same time!
This one change? It can transform your child’s mental health and make meals and everything else a lot easier. Let me know if you’d like some help with this.
Ginny Jones Parent Coach / More-Love.org
GUIDE + WORKBOOK: What To Say Instead Of “Just Do It”
This powerful guide and workbook will help you navigate one of the toughest parts of raising a child, especially one recovering from disordered eating. It empowers you to move beyond moment-to-moment battles and instead focus on building long-term emotional resilience.
You’ll learn how to teach your child to honor their own feelings and respect social expectations—a critical life skill. With compassionate guidance and practical tools, this workbook helps you support your child in finding that delicate balance between authenticity and adaptability, setting them up for a healthier, more connected future.