Boundaries: Speak Up Without Blowing Up About Food & Body Talk
Comments on your child’s weight and eating can hurt; learn how to speak up without blowing up.
Hello! I hope you and your family are doing well.
If you’ve ever cringed when your child’s grandparent made a comment about weight or eating, you’re not alone. Many of us find ourselves stuck between wanting to protect our kids and wanting to maintain family harmony. It can feel almost impossible to balance, especially when it comes to loaded topics about food and weight.
But you can do it, and doing so is one of the most loving things you can offer your child.
Why these comments matter so much
When grandparents (or anyone) make remarks about a child’s body or eating, no matter how “harmless” they seem, it sends a powerful message. It tells kids that their appearance or what’s on their plate is under scrutiny, even from people who love them most. This unfortunately communicates that love tangled up with how they look or eat.
Take Katie, for example. Her mother-in-law often teases her son Liam about his round belly. “She acts like it’s a sweet joke, but everyone feels awkward,” Katie says. Sadly, so does Liam. Even if Grandma doesn’t intend to hurt him, Liam’s learning that his body is something she watches and judges.
Or Brody, whose dad comments on everyone’s food choices. Brody has fought hard to overcome his own disordered eating patterns, and he doesn’t want his daughter Miriam to repeat that story. When he tries to stop these remarks, his dad insists he’s just “stating facts.” But as Brody knows, the consequences can last a lifetime.
Why it’s hard to set boundaries
Part of the struggle is that even though we’re parents now, we’re still our parents’ children. It’s natural to want their approval, to keep the peace, to make them proud.
But here’s something important to remember:
👉 You have permission to be your child’s parent first, and your parents’ child second.
Prioritizing your child’s well-being over keeping your own parents comfortable is one of the toughest emotional shifts we make. But it’s also one of the most important.
How to set loving but firm boundaries
Even though it’s tempting to feel overwhelmed by the idea of setting boundaries, and it can indeed be challenging, it’s possible with assertive communication.
Start by clearly communicating your request when someone says something you think is inappropriate or harmful:
“Please don’t comment on what Jess is eating.”
“It’s important to me that you don’t talk about Ziggy’s weight.”
If they argue or defend themselves, do not engage or defend yourself. Simply acknowledge them and then repeat your request simply:
“That may be so, but I'd like you not to comment on what Jess is eating.”
“I hear you, but it’s important to me that weight is not a topic of discussion.”
If they continue arguing and/or repeat the behavior, restate your request and add a boundary that specifies the consequences you’ll apply if they continue with their behavior:
“As I said, I don’t want you to comment on what Jess is eating. If you continue with this, we’ll need to go.”
“I’ve mentioned that I don’t want Ziggy’s body discussed in that way. If it comes up again, we’ll have to step out for a bit.”
And if they still continue, lovingly follow through:
“Steve, I appreciate you inviting us over, but since you continue to talk about Jess’s eating, we’re going to leave now.”
“Mom, since you brought up Ziggy’s weight again, we’re going to head home now. Let’s talk later.”
As therapist Lori Gottlieb wisely says: “Boundaries aren’t about whether the other person changes. They’re about whether you do what you say you’ll do.”
Boundaries feel hard because they often require us to act, not the other person. It might mean shortening visits, changing the topic, or even leaving early. But every time you uphold a boundary, you teach your child three profound lessons:
Their body and what they’re eating is not a topic for public discussion.
You’re on their team and are not afraid to stand up for them even when it’s uncomfortable for you.
They, too, can set boundaries to protect their own well-being.
A gift for your child’s future
It might feel uncomfortable or even scary to enforce these limits, especially if you’re used to trying to protect your parents’ feelings from being hurt. But by standing up for your child’s mental health, you give them something invaluable: the sense that they’re worthy of respect and protection from harmful food and body comments.
And along the way, you’re modeling exactly how to advocate for themselves in the future, whether with peers, partners, or even one day as parents themselves.
If this is something you’re working on, please know you’re not alone. It’s hard, courageous, and so very worth it. You’re breaking cycles and building a safer, kinder world for your child, one conversation at a time. Let me know if you’d like some help with this!
Ginny Jones Parent Coach / More-Love.org
Want help setting healthy boundaries with family members around weight and food talk? This guide and workbook will help you clarify what matters most, decide on your boundaries, and practice how to communicate them with calm confidence. It’s a supportive way to protect your child’s well-being and strengthen your family relationships.